Ok, gamers. I gave advice to your wives/significant others, but we’re only half of what makes the relationship work. We’d also like to see some effort from you.
A lot of guys don’t understand why their wives or girlfriends have a problem with their gaming. We all need a hobby, right? Well, look at it this way: guys game because they like it. It relaxes you, helps you unwind after a tough day, and is a good way to stay connected to your friends. Gaming bothers a lot of women because they feel like it’s more important to you than they are. To many women, it’s not about the game, it’s about who or what you love more. Of course you love her more, and you tell her all the time. So what? You can tell her every second of every day for a hundred years, but just like you, we need to be shown. For the wife of a gamer, nothing says “I love you” louder than seeing you select “Turn off System” voluntarily.
I’m not saying never game. After all, you’re a gamer. But here are a few things you can do that might stop her from getting mad when you do play:
Compromise # 1: Do some housework
Nothing is more frustrating than cleaning or folding laundry while your husband is sitting on his butt playing video games. You may have worked all day, but in today’s society, chances are she has, too. Even if she’s a stay at home mom, she’s been working all day. Don’t believe me? I dare you to trade places for a day. I double-dog dare you. Do it. One or two little things will take literally 10-20 minutes of your time. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.
Compromise #2: Give yourself a limit
The ultimate sacrifice: agreeing to turn off your console in a predetermined amount of time. This isn’t something I personally need my husband to do every day. But if you’ve been racking up a lot of hours lately, it might be nice to slow it down for a week or two. A problem Will and I run into sometimes, especially with a winter live we’ve had this year, is not knowing what to do together when he’s not playing and I’m not off doing my own thing. We’ve found that we enjoy playing non-video games together. Some favorites include Carcassonne, Settlers of Catan, Monopoly Deal, and Euchre (YOO-ker, for those of you not from the midwest), etc. We also have a kid, so it can be fun to take her places or con her into helping with housework while she still thinks it’s a fun game.
Compromise #3: Make sure you put her first
There is absolutely nothing on this green earth that will turn me into the Screeching Wifemonster faster than my husband ignoring me. This happens at two times: 1) when he’s pretending to be asleep, and 2) when he’s gaming. I know, I know, sometimes you really, truly don’t hear us. It happens to me when I’m writing or reading a good book. However, if it happens constantly, it’s something you may want to work on. It can be done with conscious effort. Conscious. Effort. It makes me so much happier to get a reasonably immediate, “Yeah?” and my happiness turns into his happiness, because I’m not screeching. Even our daughter is happier. It’s a beautiful cycle.
There are many, many things that gamers and their significant others can do to keep each other happy, and each couple can come up with lists unique to them. This one is mine. I think the key, besides communicating, is to always try to put the other person first. Service, charity, whatever you want to call it. Granted, sometimes that’s just hard, because why would you do that for them when they’re not doing that for you? Relationships cycle, so give them some time. Now if they never put you first, that’s a serious issue, and that’s your call.
If you’ve got any other ideas on what gamers and wives can do to make their relationship better, leave a comment. I’d love to hear them! There’s also some good advice in the comments of the related post, Compromising with your Gamer.
